20 things I needed to know in life, I learned from Joss Whedon- Part One

Hey! Joss Whedon.....did I mention that I ♥ gingers! Forever yours, ME!

I am a self-proclaimed Whedonist. "What is a Whedonist?" you ask...A Whedonist is a person that sadly wishes they lived in the Whedonverse....Where all the the women kick butt, nothing is ever perfect but its okay because you get through the day with sarcastic humor, and all that troubles you can be solved in the span of an hour.

So tighten your seat belts and prepare to realize all that fancy education was for nothing when life lessons were being broadcasted on tv for free...(well almost, Firefly was on Sci Fi, when it was still spelt that way, so you would've had to pay for cable.)


1.The Act of Bartering: In "Our Mrs Reynolds" (Firefly Ssn 1, Ep 3) Mal discovers that he unknownly wed the lovely Saffron, portayed by Christina Hendricks who is not as voluptous as she is now, but equally as beautiful. As Mal rejects the idea of consumating their marriage, in steps Jayne to save the day. He offers to Mal, Vera. It is his very favorite gun, after all. Mal rejects the offer, as Jayne negotiates that his Vera holds a high sentimental value, which is greater than the want that Mal has for Saffron. Which if the deal discussed wasn't considered human trafficing, I would say is an even trade. One mans trash is another mans treasure, you just have to give them trash man want he wants to redeem your treasure, and sometimes its worth more than the trash.

2. Sex Changes Everything: What's the best way to screw a relationship, throw sex in the mix. In the story arc of Season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy and her boyfriend Angel, they sexy vampire who did the whole brooding thing before Edward, get caught up in the heat of the moment after running away from "The Judge" (anyone else see irony in the name of that big bad) decide to engage in premartial sex (Ssn 2, ep13). Also I found it a little grody that she was freshly seventeen and he had had a bi-centenial. Back to the topic, Angel was cursed by gypsies to bear the weight of his wrong doings as a vampire by having a soul. Only way to lose it and make him return to the evil Angelous...one moment of true happiness. In otherwords...he get "there" while making whoopie with Buffy. And well he gets there...and transforms back into Angelous (Ssn 2, ep 14), breaks out the leather pants, and beings tourtures Buffy and her Scooby gang.
Soooooooooo everyone had that one person that charmed their way into your pants and totally changed and broke your heart after they were done with you. So next time, just to be safe, make sure they dont have leather pants in their closet. Remember leather pants in closet + caught up in the moment sex = an very awkard morning.

3. Not everything you think/see makes sense, but roll with it anyway: After Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles summon the spirit of the First Slayer, they are plauged by dreams where the primeval slayer hunts them in their dreams (ssn 4, ep 22)  In each of their dreams, there is a common demoninator. A man with slices of kraft cheese, appears out of nowhere sometimes offering words of wisdom such as "I wear the cheese, it does not wear me" or not as he appears in the left side of the screen wiggling the pieces of cheese so effortlessly, it would make a piece of jello jealous. Each one continues on their merry way with their dream, but each is haunted by the startling image of the man with the cheese.
The next time you see someone on the street that is wear a swine flu chic decorative surgical mask, or a furry tail, or the run to sometime that just bought anime porn....just keep along and lock that image in a vault that will never be opened. NEVER. BE. OPENED. furry tails....shiver

4. Even the most baddass chicks have insecurities: Chicks kick ass....Buffy, Willow, River, Echo, Fred/Illyria....each different in the ways they came to possess their "powers" But each of them kicked major booty. When Buffy falls victim to a one night stand by Parker (Adam Kaufman from the awesome mini series on alien abduction Taken that was on SCI FI when it was still spelled that way.....yes i still bitter about that. ) Buffy has the "Why hasnt he called reaction me reaction" she wonders what SHE did wrong, even though it was Parker who was the big jerk. She doggy paddles through her pity pond and by the end of the episode, shes kicking Spike's butt all over UC Sunnydale campus, picturing Parker as she whoops some man ass...can't say that i havent been there before. Falling for a one night stand sucks, and taking it out on someone else is always fun!

5. If you need to make a dramatic exit....ALWAYS wear a trench coat: As demostrated at the ending of the opening sequence of Angel, the trenchcoat makes the exit! So if you need to leave and you want people to know...."Hey, im leaving with a purpose" make sure you give your trench coat a little swing so it creates a swooosh sound. (Warning: In Texas this only works in the Winter....if you wear a trenchcoat in the summer here, you'll be commited)


So thats part one...check back later this week for part 2! It involves puppets, awesome weaponry, and demons!